Choosing The Right Therapist – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – If you’re looking for a helping hand to get you through tough times, or just someone to talk about your day to, therapy might be the perfect option for you. Family Therapist Ken Dolan Del-Vecchio gave us tips to finding the right therapist!

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/choosing-the-right-therapist_20180314102713750/1043328684

Men’s Role In Ending Intimate Partner Violence – Mass Appeal

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Learn how to challenge men to put a stop to this serious problem.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/news/mass-appeal-mens-role-in-ending-intimate-partner-violence/1040321527

Intimate Partner Violence – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – Intimate partner violence happens more than we know, in fact, 24% of women and 12% of men fall victim to intimate partner violence at least once during their lives. It’s important to raise awareness and talk about these issues that go left unsaid, so Author, Family Therapist and Health & Wellness Executive Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio shared more about ways to help someone in need.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/relationship/intimate-partner-violence_20180314101626948/1043247102

How Do You Stop Bullying? – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  25 to 33 % of school children report having been bullied, the highest incidence happening during middle school … so what can you do you stop it?  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared ideas.

Stopping Bullying

1. Define bullying

2. Bullying in the workplace – underlying bullying

3. Target is seen as someone “Different”

4. Bullies hide their negativity to other people

5. What you can do if your child is being bullied

  • Listen and believe.
  • Empathize regarding how painful this feels.
  • Reinforce that this is not your child’s fault,
  • Share a story about a time when you or someone close to you was bullied.
  • Let your child know that bullying cannot usually be stopped by the person on the receiving end. .
  • Find a “safe person” – adult at school
  • Promptly talk with your child’s teacher and other school officials. (senior manager at work intervene)
  • Be an “upstander,” not a bystander: confront the behavior.
  • If you don’t feel safe confronting the bully, talk with others whom you respect and work together on an intervention plan.

6. If you or your child engage in bullying behavior:

  • Take responsibility
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline, a great source of help, is available 24/7/365 at 800-799-7233.
Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/parent/how-do-you-stop-bullying/1043363693

The Art Of Assertiveness – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  Assertiveness is an important life skill that can be learned.  Here with tips is Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive.

The Art of Assertiveness

  • Assertiveness means recognizing our own needs and striving to fill them. This requires speaking up about what we need from others.
  • Assertiveness begins with understanding that one is as important, valuable, and worthy of respect as everyone else.
  • Assertiveness is a personality style that both gives and commands respect.
  • We demonstrate assertiveness with our words, tone and behavior.
  • Because many people confuse assertiveness with aggression, below are some important differences between the two:
    • Assertiveness delivers and invites mutual respect. Aggression delivers and invites hostility.
    • Assertiveness relies upon looking within oneself to identify one’s own needs, sufficient self-respect to value them, and the courage to work toward meeting them. Assertiveness balances this effort by recognizing the needs of others and valuing those also. Aggression tries to satisfy one’s own needs while disregarding the needs of others.
    • Assertiveness holds positive intentions. Aggression often seeks to hurt, take from, overpower, or diminish others.
    • Assertiveness seeks mutual understanding and mutual success. Aggression seeks to win.
    • Assertiveness strives for fairness. Aggression strives for dominance.
    • It can help to keep this motto in mind: Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.
  • Assertiveness is an important life skill that can be learned.
  • Each of us deserves to be assertive about our needs.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/personal/the-art-of-assertiveness/1043386875

Habits of Exceptional People – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  What makes exceptional parents and leaders so successful?  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared tips with us.

Habits of exceptional leaders, in and beyond the workplace

The best leaders demonstrate that leadership is all about we, not me. They:

  • See power as power with, the responsibility to bring about shared success, instead of power over, the right to dominate and control other people.
  • Believe in the competence of others and treat others with kindness.
  • Give credit where it is due. They regularly let their own supervisor know about the good work contributed by others on their team.
  • Make a point of “catching” others doing good work and praising them for it on the spot.
  • Say please and thank you.
  • Invite others to contribute to decision-making whenever possible.
  • Show genuine human caring for their team members and get to know something about their lives and interests.
  • Encourage and help others learn, grow, and advance.
  • Ensure that everyone in the group feels welcomed, respected, valued, and consistently treated civilly by others.
  • Regularly communicate the organization’s mission and describe how their group’s work and the work of each of its members contribute.
  • Provide constructive feedback and receive it graciously as well.
  • Take responsibility for their mistakes, apologize to others whenever it makes sense to do so, and then follow through on their promises to change.

A key element of leadership is recognizing that you are always a role model:

  • What you do is more important than what you say.
  • Your behavior sets the culture for your group.

One of the most challenging aspects of leadership can be holding others accountable to their commitments. Leaders need to:

  • Communicate what they expect clearly and make every effort to ensure the expectations are understood.
  • Provide constructive feedback and guidance when needed, including referrals to sources of assistance.
  • Identify and then follow through on consequences for continued poor performance.
  • Many leaders were promoted into their roles because they are highly skilled technicians. (They may or may not have wanted to lead people, but this was the next available promotion.) If this applies to you, please note that leadership skills can be learned. You owe it to yourself and your team members to attend training, read on the subject, and connect with mentors.Many of the points above apply to parenting as well. Being a parent, after all, is one of the most important leadership roles!
  • Finally, keep in mind that every one of us, whether we have a formal leadership role or not, is a role model and, therefore, a leader in the eyes of those who love and respect us.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/health/habits-of-exceptional-people/1043734040

Myths About Mental Illness – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – There are so many myths that come along with the stigma of mental illness. Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist and Health and Wellness Executive visited the show to break the stigma surrounding mental health and shed light on the myths.

Mental illness is common:

  • 1 in 5 Americans live with a mental illness
  • At least 1 in 10 Americans live with depression
  • At least 16% of adults in the United States have an addiction
  • Depression is the number 1 disability worldwide
    • 28% of disability is caused by mental illness
    • 14% of disability is caused by heart disease
    • 13% of disability is caused by cancer
  • Most mental illnesses respond well to treatment
  • Only 33% of those who could benefit seek treatment, most likely due to the stigma

What can we do to combat the myths and stigma?

  • BREAK THE SILENCE!!!
  • Talk about mental illness the same way you do other illnesses
  • Open discussions in community and workplace
  • Encourage friends and family to seek help from professional care (therapist/physician)
  • Be supportive!

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/health/myths-about-mental-illness_20180314113759798/1043772330

Giving Truly Constructive Criticism – Mass Appeal

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CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  It’s hard to critique people, so how do we make sure we’re doing it constructively?  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive showed us how.

Giving truly constructive criticism

by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio

Very few of us like to give or receive criticism so don’t be hard on yourself if you find this difficult to do.

Keep the goal in mind: to help the other person succeed, not to put them down.

Truly constructive criticism does not insult or demean the recipient. Instead, it offers them an opportunity to learn something valuable.

This simple formula can help:

  • Specifically describe (like you’re watching the video replay) the behavior that needs to change.
  • Identify the negative impact of the behavior (the reason a change makes sense).
  • Describe the positive behavior that you’d like to see.

An example when correcting a child:

  • When you reached across Grandma’s plate to grab the ketchup that was not okay because your sleeve almost fell in Grandma’s mashed potatoes and it’s also not the best table manners. From now on I’m going to expect you to ask somebody who can easily reach what you need to pass it to you.
  • It’s necessary sometimes to mention a logical consequence that will follow if the person on the receiving end doesn’t make the desired change:
  • When you leave your dirty clothes in the bathroom then I either have to pick them up and put them in the wash, which is not my job, or leave them there, which is gross. From now on I’m going to expect you to put your dirty clothes in the hamper downstairs because it’s your responsibility to take care of your laundry. If you leave them in the bathroom, I’m either going to leave them

An example from the workplace:

  • You do great work and I’m glad you’re part of our team, but you were more than 20 minutes late getting back from lunch today and on Monday as well. We had to delay the start of your presentation on Monday and I could have used your input on a call with a client this afternoon but I couldn’t reach you. I need you to turn this around so you’re available consistently during business hours. If we can’t reach you again, I’m going to start thinking twice about the assignments I can trust you with and that’s going to affect your performance review.

A few words about destructive criticism:

While the goal of constructive criticism is to help the other person succeed, the goal of destructive criticism is to put the other person down, punish them, or vent your own frustration.

Destructive criticism comes across as accusation or character indictment rather than a request for behavior change. While constructive criticism may start with “when you do (a specific behavior),” destructive criticism starts with “you are (unreliable, rude, incompetent, nasty, impossible)” or “you always…” or “you never….”

  • You are a monster when it comes to your little brother. One day soon he’ll be strong enough to fight back and you’ll end up with a broken nose.
  • You’re always so rude at the dinner table. You have no manners at all.
  • You never let people finish what their saying. It’s all about you!

Destructive criticism leaves the recipient feeling verbally assaulted and is likely to be met with defensiveness.

Constructive criticism is a gift that can increase closeness between those involved in the conversation. Destructive criticism often damages the relationship between those involved in the exchange.

If you keep a level head, avoid lashing out in anger, and speak with your goal in mind-the entirely positive goal of helping the recipient of what you have to say learn how to behave in a more positive manner-you will deliver truly helpful criticism.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/news/giving-truly-constructive-criticism/1043614568

Depression: What You NEED To Know – Mass Appeal

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Seth Stutman – CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  Depression affects an alarming amount of people, but we don’t really know all that much about it.  Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared some theories.

What everyone should know about depression

from Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio

  • 10% of the population lives with this illness.1
  • Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.2
  • The defining symptom is a negative mood—sad, hopeless, empty, apathetic, or irritable—that continues for 2 weeks or more.
  • Another primary symptom is the inability to experience even brief moments of joy.
  • Energy level, concentration, short-term memory, appetite, and sleep are often negatively affected.
  • Severity can range from mild to potentially lethal (suicide).
  • Thought to be caused by a combination of physical and environmental factors.
  • 60% of sufferers don’t seek help3, probably due to stigma and lack of access to care.
  • 80% of those who do seek help benefit greatly.4
  • Treatment usually involves a combination of talk therapy and medication.
  • We can help break the stigma by talking openly about depression the same way we do about heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other illnesses.
  • We can listen carefully and respectfully to our friends and family members when they are in emotional pain, tell them that we care and that they deserve to feel better, and advise them to see a therapist or talk with their physician.

 

1 Hendrick, B. How Many in U.S. are Depressed? WebMD.com: September 30, 2010.

2 The World Health Organization (WHO). Fact Sheet No. 369. Oct, 2015.

3 Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA). Depression Statistics, Treatment for Depression. http://www.dbsalliance.org.

4 National Institute of Mental Health, (1995). Pub No. 95-3871.

 

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/health/depression-what-you-need-to-know/1043636651

 

Nurturing Your Child’s Self Esteem – Mass Appeal

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Seth Stutman – CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal)  How can you grow your child’s self esteem?   Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Author, Family Therapist, Health and Wellness Executive shared his tips.

Never attack your child personally:

  • Imagine what it feels like to be called dumb, stupid, lazy, weak, or any other name by your mom or dad.
  • Make a commitment to never verbally assault your child.
  • It helps to give your child feedback so they develop positive behaviors-“shhh, we need to be quiet in the library; remember, it’s important to pet the puppy very gently because he’s so little”- but personal attacks/name calling only hurts them.

Notice your child’s positive behavior and compliment her or him on these:

  • I like the way you share your toys with your little brother.
  • I see the way you pay attention to the game even when you’re all the way out in left field-way to go!
  • You got a gold star on your math homework-that’s great work!

Give them words they can hang onto that describe their strengths:

  • You’re a loving big brother.
  • You’re a good team player and you’re good at paying attention.
  • You know how to take responsibility for getting your homework done.

Do not give your child untruthful or exaggerated compliments as this distorts their ability to accurately assess their own attributes and skills. It never helps to say things that lessen your child’s grasp on reality.

Affirming your child’s self-esteem in the ways described above does not negate the need to also give your child constructive feedback. We all benefit from constructive criticism when it’s delivered in a way that is indeed constructive and not hurtful.

 

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/family/nurturing-your-childs-self-esteem/1043534707