Wedding Week: How Learning To Apologize Leads To A Better Relationship – Mass Appeal

Finding the Strength to Apologize

• When we apologize after making an error, we demonstrate strength rather than weakness.
• Many people seem confused about this, perhaps because we so rarely see public figures apologize.
• Most of us will agree that attempts to deny or justify a mistake only further damage credibility.
• Apology lays the cornerstone for the building of a new history, but that’s all. The person who apologizes must make that new history come alive during the days and months that follow their apology.
• If we do the same thing again, our apology loses its value. Worse yet, it becomes a reference point for hypocrisy.
• It pays for parents to apologize for their small, everyday mistakes in addition to the really big ones. (I have a quick story to share that illustrates the value here.)
• Doing so helps our child feel respected and loved. It also provides good role modeling.
• When planning to apologize for a substantial mistake—on the scale of addictive behavior that has consequences for loved ones or criminal behavior—professional guidance and the support of loving friends and family members can prove valuable to everyone involved.
• Apology dos and don’ts:
  • Do take full responsibility: “I’m very sorry for what I did and I take full responsibility for it.”
  • Do share what you imagine the impact may have been: “I imagine you must have felt disrespected and insulted when I said that.”
  • Do make a commitment to never repeat the same behavior.
  • Don’t give a “non-apology” such as:
    • “I’m sorry that happened.”
    • “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
  • Don’t give an “I’m sorry but” such as:
    • “I’m sorry I did that, but don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
    • “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have said that if you hadn’t started the argument.”
  • Don’t assume that positive intentions excuse the impact of negative behavior:
    • “I’m not going to apologize because I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings.”
• Remember that apologizing for wrong-doing is the essential first step toward healing a damaged relationship and restoring personal integrity. Doing so demonstrates courage and personal strength.

Source: https://www.wwlp.com/mass-appeal/wedding-week-how-learning-to-apologize-leads-to-a-better-relationship/1986257114